She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
