i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's never too late to be topless.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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