I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
