It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
