But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
