i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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