I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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