You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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