my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
