cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
