I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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