she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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