We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
