have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
