Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
