Banned from zoo.
Again?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
