Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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