Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
