her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
