My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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