Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
