And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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