omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
