who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
