A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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