I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
