I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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