I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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