I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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