I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
