The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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