Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
