At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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