Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
