My first STD was from a foam party
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
please come you make the beer taste better
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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