hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
