Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
