i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
