Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my poor anus
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
