Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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