Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
from now on my penis is your penis
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
