Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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