If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
