if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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