We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
