screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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