I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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