Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
