Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
