I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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