Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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