I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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