How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
