Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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