watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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